Lost in a state of confusion
set in a turmoil of wrecked emotions
disguising a smile for the pain
and reworking a path of lost shame.
Never knowing whats in store
she had him today and she had him before
crying for a clear sky
a tale of a dreamless night.
Hiding behind a pain-filled smile
no friends for a million miles
she danced as he once dined
now he falls as she draws the line.
Today i sit here, missing her, wishing she picked up her phone, wishing alot of unforseen(even in the near future) events, swimming against a tide if you ask…
You weren’t there when I threw the wine glass across the room only for its death against the wall, for the letters she wrote was based not on eternal love but of instant emotions, i never felt so big and now i sit never feeling so small.. ever!!!
I took my chances and fought the tidal waves that washed my inner beings away…
.. and now suddenly realizations hit me like a bitch on heat!!!
… There’s no point of ranting on this site, cause what i want will never happen and yet i fool myself everyday thinkin otherwise, maybe love dont work the way i want it to, maybe…
*as i fall into a ball of tears*
As i craved for pain
pleasure is all i got
black turned to rain
yuo’re a porn bot.
This ones for the extremist
sears of love and death
blended for the sadistic.
Step upto the podium
look me in the eyes
weaving webbed emporiums
speak the true lies.
This ones for the extremist
sears of love and death
blended for the sadistic.
Plucking leaves in glory
as i slit pain for you
leave me high with a story
and i’ll bury in you.
This ones for the extremist
sears of love and death
blended for the sadistic.
This ones for the extremist
sears of love and death
blended for the sadistic.
Pitch back progress on electric funerals, anticipitation eat into my veins, without an outlet to rise against the force of subminimal verses of holy books and its followers.
I’ll fall someday like i’m in love with ground yet confused and cursing the world around, and i’ll push away every helping hand and sympathising face, leaving them a ball of fustration just to see them in tears, and that my friend would make me only humane… somehing i’ve learnt in life.
I know that doesn’t sound like freedom, But I know it would feel like a free bird circling the point of bliss…
…this is i write just when it was over!!!
My state of affairs is a sad state today, its not quite the by product of depression and its definitely not a lonliness void of people/things/substances, its not a form of any sort of self pity, it just an emotion i wear on my face, with its roots buried deep down inside making me a ball of sulphur and oil ready for that one small spark… one lil’ word… one lil’ fuck up from your side.
I try to keep all hidden and try my best to hide my crippled state, hide the whole concept of existence to the outside world, i try… and i try real hard, but the watch towers above see a bolt of lightning here and a hear a strike of thunder there, pulling the plug on the sirens above my head…however the way i see it one spark, one lil’ word and one lil’ fuck up from your side to set of the “great fall” of every god damn mother…. Set me free… will yer’?
Balls of fustrations, balls of steel, balls of burmese stash and nicotine infected joints dont help to serve any purpose they just hide the whole concept of me as a person now…
…So set me free… Will yer’?
They said, you said
You gave they took
you smiled i paid
I cried and you laughed.
I cried and i tried
theres no place left to go
no one to sympathize
other than this bottle…
…so i drink myself to sleep
to wake up to the ashes of yet another gloomy day…
Things have changed, people have changed and it is then that the guilt of nothing really that sets in…
I take that puff of that cigarette
I’m walking away from life
i must be eluding my mind… i have to be…
cause…
In my eyes gods keep laughing
and signs of guilt don’t seem to haunt me anymore
and darkness seems to be my light
an escape out of here
ain’t no roses spread out here
ain’t no puppets dangle here….
…ain’t no guilty conscience coming crumbling down here…
…and then the invarible mad man comes screaming in your face…
Like the mad man who got killed
cause of his own shrink
I’m the dog
the blind dog
killed by his own breed
in his own land of unreal problems
…and fantasies.
I’ve been bitten by the dog
the mad dog by the corner
painted pictures of kids
playing some square game
doesn’t make sense no more…
He’s just a mad man in the subway
pushing away dangling ropes
with a smile on his face
He rules in his own way
He’s the me… and the Me’s the mad man in the subway!!!
Here I am again, feeling what i felt once upon a time… against the wall of insanity with a million riffle mouths pointing in my direction… i just hope they shoot and shoot at once… it’ll be less painful!!!
…and here with a lil’ hope of “I dunno what” it goes…
Playing solitaire once again
vanity molested
and hitch-hiking neurotically
up against the odds…
…i die once again.
I close my eyes
use my conscience as a candle
shattering ripples thru’ my spine
dwelling in the basements of insanity
… i die once again.
My dreamy state awakes me
to see my own sweet lil’ death
my own lil’ game of cat n mouse
promised myself never shed a tear
yet i cry within… as i die once again.
Now dust made of glitter
and chaos enslaved lines
i wish i hadn’t walked this road again
i died once before….
just like i die again tonight.
…i just wish they shoot fast and shoot straight!!!