The Other Side

Another moment where she passes through my mind, galloping with the hooves of a million horses creating ripples that echo in the innards of a soft passing breeze, it melts into the sunset along the bayou of hope… along the bayou of hope.

The sleeping flower that blooms by the fall of the sun and waves crashing breaking the shore with curved lips and fingertips that feel like a sword, playing wicked games with the softness  of my torso.  The moon pale replaced by candles screaming to blown out but for the silence that kills it.

Speaking the words of hope forming sentences  promises, I sink in to the arms of an ocean only to brought up by the buoyant force of words of faith forming sentences of a false promise…

Now, for her I sit her reminding myself of moments drawn on bleeding canvas…

The shiver down my spine tailored made by the melody of a silent scream, fragmenting the innards of a silver cloud stitching it to a sealed misery. The dirty glass of the window-pane, the pulsating bop in my chest, the crevices the cracks and the green that dissolves the physical me dipped in to a catch… a prized catch – a rhyme, an art piece on a canvas that dissolves with a droplet of mirrored beauty.

She’s all that I want
She’s drives me crazy,
She’s all that I want
She’s gonna’ kill me…

Now, to the fork of dismay and to the lingering spaces in between comic strips and to the unheard space, that unheard sound between the words that I speak. To the joy and anguish that I lay and revel in a glorified state of affair, for the choices I’ve taken and the opportunities that are still blowing in the wind – somewhere… someplace just not here….

She’s all that I’ve had
She’s drives me crazy,
She’s my pain
She’s my end…

A word told to another,  say what I do just don’t follow. I cried and I cry for a love lost and a love dismantled into Zion for a heart undone, for another mans joy i scream in despair… i hate this feeling i hate you and i hate all of em’…

It ain’t pretty
It ain’t pretty like the shore
It ain’t better
It ain’t better like the whore…

Abstainance from getting down on your knees, thinking i have what i don’t… i wanna hear you scream the words that i want echoed…I tried and i tried…and i cried but the vehemence of the fact is that i cant live by myself….I’ll drown myself every time I’m alone…whenever solitaire comes round’ to haunt….whenever my father calls…whenever she calls….whenever this person and that person calls… whenever I’m promised a broken dream….whenever …whatever…I’m still weak, i can feel it in me…I’m just a miserable man…waiting’ to explode…waiting’ for my time to come…

Its a waste of heart
tearing my brain apart

..yet still i sing the lines…

This pill never ceases
this pill on the streets
STAND BACK & SMILE!!!

74526481481246….
STAND BACK & SMILE!!!

…and eternity
would have other plans for me…

…Eternity ends in disaster
for love mishandled
and dragged through thorns
of lust and a lost love…
& like fake leaves I stay the same
oh lord; call out my name…

A moment captured in literature is like this vicious cycle replacing alcohol and other outlawed substances with emotions on canvas driving fifth gear on Shakespeare highway. The turpentine kisses of sweet misery and plastered creatures that lies deep down in the choking unconsciousness of ones self.

Its been on many occasions that I’ve seen shades of grey with the many acquaintances that I’ve had, yet we still drown ourselves in mushrooms digging deeper to get the more ‘tasty’ one yet even more poisonous.

Now a pill they say would cure every bad riddance, even though life’s cost doubles by the day and pills don’t help to hide anything but just cover the pain with dust only to be blown away by a storm…

I write my lines on grounds of doubt,
salt water to droplets of blood
Most of the time its the laughter of a clown
other times its miles away from you…

Sitting on a parapet looking down at the world, a world of crime, sirens, insomnia and every possible bad to happen to the human race and I lock my eyes on the inner beauty of a smoked filled horizon of sky-scrapers and tree tops, with the flames of sun dissected into the rays of warmth in a metamorphic state of mind.

Life as it comes is what I’ve been following however I fail to understand till how long would I succumb to the low man’s lyrics swinging like a pendulum from happy to sad and from glorious to anguish, an emotional wreck in the making.

The purple blotches feels like a gesture of sympathy, the look of solitary looks like a bean bag and the bruises on my arm remind me of a past that has been etched deeper than “skin-deep”. The eerie feeling of mourning a lost soul, a fairy tale gone bad finally shows in shards of epilepsy and the glass that reflects each moment punctures my pores drawing the sweet glory of deceit.

Its funny how a five minute break from the mundane loss of oxygen de-placed by nicotine blended with a thousand chemicals and an infinite number of carbon matter, and a state of heart-sick cardiology, silver linings and obscure mind puts two and two together and gets a perfect ten – Its weird.

The green home attracts moths but its a death-trap for the unlikely, dead moth incense kills your nasal glands like cyanide to humans.

And before the prologue I was supposed to give you an account of Christmas… Well the piece of paper lied crumbled for 10 days almost in my wallet…..and it read…

Christmas… a time for giving and a time for making merry. This year wasn’t really off-track, from the original concept… even though half my family wasn’t around. I put my foot down and decided – Gary, ain’t nobody gonna’ fuck around with your Christmas, not even my sister who couldn’t make it back home or my dad who is at some corner of the world doing something somewhere.

This time around, it was a time of no hold bars drinking, hogging and a bit of happy leaf here and there mixed with the secret ingredients of good ole’ Christmas read as family (whatever lil’ was in town). I, like usual put on the responsible ones attire, at the same time chilled out like there was no tomorrow. I drank all Christmas eve, played chauffeur to the direction-less and played daddy to the kid… everything that could fill the void of missing loved ones.

Unlike last year, this time around I wasn’t gonna’ be found writing anything on the lines of a cardiologist on death row, I slammed my foot down on the brakes with a screeching halt that said – NO ONE AND NOBODY WILL PLAY BE ALLOWED TO PLAY SPOIL-SPORT TO THIS YEARS CHRISTMAS PARTY – NOBODY AND NO ONE!!!

I couldn’t ask for more this year from Santa, god and all possible super-natural icons of belief, I’ve a decent job, a love that I could die for….friends that have backed me and in simple words – I’ve put an end to my melodramatic self.

For now, this is me signing out and looking forward to new years, its gonna’ be some serious scripted shite’.

…and for all my readers here – goodnight and compliments of the season..

Merry Christmas and have a drink on me!!!

…and that was that!!!

Its that time of the year again where I look back at the past 365 days and try and come to a conclusion of what is and what if and what was… This year the POA took a small de-tour, dragging along a much more positive vibe with it, dousing this years completed(YES,Completed and Fulfilled) resolution of being positive… the positive vibes baby!!! It sounds like the, In Mr. Lal’s words – “Outlawed substance” hasn’t worn off from the eve of a new beginning of an end to a start… well exactly what I’m saying.

This year – Lots of losses for the good…lots of extra baggage for the good…lets just keep it at “good riddance to the… well…lots of sugar coated misery!!! The year promised alot, took alot…promoted alot…like any other year it was a year with alot of expectations… fulfilled…dumped…worked out….and way more importantly…done!!!

…till i reach a point of sobriety and complete one with my brain…and i post the christmas speacial that is folded up somewhere in my wallet…

A happy new year and a blessed year to all….

Cheers & have a drink on me…

I’m the cancer in the brain
I’m the filth on the surface
blow me away
spray me away…
I’m the cancer in your brain….

I know your right
even though I know your wrong
i know you’re the queen of darkness
even though I treat you like a light..
I’m the cancer in your brain….

Pain: Is all I feel
Glory: I wish
Cancer: In your brain…

I’m the cancer in the brain
I’m the filth on the surface
blow me away
spray me away…
I’m the cancer in your brain….

I know your right
even though I know your wrong
i know your the queen of darkness
even though I treat you like a light..
I’m the cancer in your brain….

I’m the incurable cancer
I’m the cancer in the brain…. your brain
I’m the filth on the surface
blow me away
spray me away…
I’m the cancer in your brain….

I know your right
even though I know your wrong
I know your the queen of darkness
even though I treat you like a light..
I’m the cancer in your brain….

Why do i always disguise my pain with a smile? why?
Why do i always push away the help i get? why?
Why do i always put my trust in the hopeless? why?
Why oh why do i live this life?

Why is there no love felt on this side? Why?
Why do i always put away my pride when it comes to you? Why?
Why do i always push away the hand that feeds? Why?
Why oh why do i live this life?

Why do i always take on the neurotic? Why?
Why do i always cry myself to sleep? Why?
Why do i always wish i cried real tears? Why?
Why oh why do i live this life?

Why do i always disguise my pain with a smile? why?
Why do i always push away the help i get? why?
Why do i always put my trust in the hopeless? why?
Why oh why do i live this life?

Why oh why do i live this life?
Why do i always end up being pushed around? Why?
Why oh why do i live this life?
Why oh why do i live this life?
Why oh why do i live this life?